Just a “Song” about Killing Someone…

So you broke my heart
but that’s okay
I’ll stitch it back together
with a needle and thread.

There will be some pieces missing
but it will be alright
I’ll fill the holes with revenge
and thoughts of your untimely death

I’m not the girl
You should’ve never messed with me
There goes your world
I’ll go down in infamy
and all you’ll be
is a cold body

I’m out of liquid courage
but it’s no big deal
because this plan is set in stone
You just have to fall for this ruse

I’ve got these knots in my stomach
and I have one for you too
I fashioned it from love and rope
and shaped it like a noose

I’m not the girl
You should’ve never messed with me
There goes your world
I’ll go down in infamy
and all you’ll be
is a cold body

So go ahead
whisper promises in her ear
I’ll give you a few more hours
before I rip you from this earth

Your eyes are pale
Your skin is cold
You asked me once, I’ll answer now
Your life is what my love is worth

I’m not the girl
You should’ve never messed with me
There goes your world
I’ll go down in infamy
and all you’ll be
is a cold body

194 Words of Advice for You

So this will be a short blog, because I am capable of being concise. I am.

So here is some advice I consider pretty solid:

There are a lot of shitty people out there in this giant world we live in. When you find someone that doesn’t suck, hold on to them. Not literally, unless you are really into hugging, which is apparently a lot of people…weirdos. But seriously, make an effort to be in their life and to keep them in yours. Be nice to them. Invest time in them. Be grateful that someone that awesome wants to be your friend. Deserve them.

And if you are a crappy person. Stop it. Why would you do that? Bad. Bad you. Life is this thing that seems to last forever, but it doesn’t, and at some point your crappiness will catch up to you. So, just stop being sucky and start being cool. I promise, life will become a lot better.

As people, we won’t get along with all other people. We won’t like all other people. But we can respect all other people. Ok, most other people.

So let’s all be awesome!

That is all.

Grace Potter and the Nocturnals: A Review

“I knew she was going to be good but not THAT good” – Me

See, I could have found some similar quote from a reviewer or newspaper or something, but it is funnier to quote myself. And I did literally say that while we were walking out of the Crystal Ballroom.

Updated New Year’s Resolutions

Okkkkk. So we are halfway through 2013 and I decided to go back through my small list of resolutions for this year and see if I made any progress. Let’s look at the prognosis:

Long Walks and Sunets on the Beach

So I have always just assumed that people who watched sunsets were super lame. You’ve seen one you’ve seen them all, right? But I decided to trek the .2 miles down to the beach when I was at Florida a few days ago and I took my notebook with me to see if inspiration would come. And oh, it did. So many water metaphors. I rarely come up with profound things to say, but one of my favorite things I have ever written occurred during said sunset session. I was a bit sad that I decided to wait until the second to last day there to write at that beach, but lesson learned. It is weird to think that in a span of 20 minutes or so, everything completely changes. It goes from light to dark, hot to warm, essentially the sunset tells you that you have lost another day. Hopefully something useful happened during those hours you were given, and if not, sucks for you. But, another day is (theoretically) just around the corner. (I realllllly wanted to right river bend, so I am doing it here).

I guess there is just something about watching the world change right in front of your eyes. The sky turns colors. And the water seems to go on forever, even though at some point it has to end. It’s beautiful and sad all at the same time. I often rush days away thinking about a certain upcoming date that I am excited about. I know I shouldn’t but it is hard not to when I am excited. I still have this spontaneous side to me, which I thoroughly enjoy, but sometimes it gets the best of me. Like the time I bought a plane ticket home for too many days and am missing Young the Giant, Death Cab doing the entire Transatlanticism album (which was essentially the soundtrack to my senior year and the crushing blow that was my first love) and alt-J. I get too excited about the potential of other people and I lose my days counting down to the day I will get to see them. So my new goal is to try to find something good about every day. And I know that will be difficult because I didn’t even want to get out of bed on Tuesday. I got hit with a bout of anxiety something fierce. I am still fighting it off. But I consider how lucky I am to be (physically) healthy and stable enough to battle whatever mental issues effect me. I’m still here and I am still living some sort of dream, not sure what I am hoping to achieve yet but I might get there someday.

Back to that thing about people. I will never understand them. Seriously. I don’t even understand myself. I swear to whatever God you believe in that I go around looking for people with strings hanging from their hands and I say, “Oooooooh, oh pick me! I would love to hold on to this fucking piece of cloth while you carry me along, saying things and then taking them back but then kind of throwing them out there again.” It is just becoming humorous at this point. I mean I know it is because I am anxious, family issues, past relationships, etc. but shit Jenna, come on. When people are nice to me I don’t even know what to do. This is why I have to go to therapy people. But, my romantic (or really lack there of) issues are for another blog that will inevitably be way funnier and coherent than this one. I just needed to write something to purge my brain of a small chunk of “blahhhhh” that is in there.

Watch the sunset sometime by yourself. Maybe it will be boring or maybe you will understand what I am saying. And if you do, please inform me because I don’t know what I am saying most of the time.

Ryan Bingham 2.0

The adorable Ryan Bingham

So, I went in to work to get Jimmy Eat World tickets from my new BFF Ryan, aka the Promotions Director for Kink and he also had tickets for a show that night. What show you might ask? Actually, you probably aren’t asking that because you read the title of this blog and were able to deduce it. Either way, it was Ryan Bingham.

Clever Title Here

It was over the minute you got in my head,
used your words as weapons
now this fantasy is dead.
And it died a violent death,
begging on its knees,
praying until its last breath.
But you took it’s life,
without thinking twice.

We were never as close,
as when we were a world apart.
So I put my heart in a bottle,
and threw it far from this coast.
You have become a part of me,
like a tumor on my brain.
Your name is in every thought I think,
on every breath I breathe.

…and I want to be set free.

I want you,
but I want you gone.
I can’t keep waiting.
I can’t keep holding on.

Ruined

You ruined me.
I was made of ice
You touched my skin
and made me melt
My heart was stone
You broke the spell
then asked me how it felt
I had no feelings
I didn’t care
A shell of a person
with no emotions
and a string of diversions

And you asked me how it felt?

I was scared
I was bruised
I was broken
I was used
(but I didn’t want to be in love)
I was fine
I was done
I was in denial
I was ready to run
(because I didn’t want to be in love)

You ruined me.
You warmed my heart
You ruined me.
Broke my walls apart
You ruined me.
Made me feel again
You ruined me.
So how do I explain?
That I don’t want to be in love.

You ruined me.
And I fell.

I fell hard
Now nothing is as good
Nothing feels right
If it’s not you
You lit a spark inside
and now I hold this torch
That never stops burning
That burns to damn bright

And you ask me how it felt?

Like I can’t breathe
Like it will never be enough
Like this is something that I need
Like I am dependent
Like I am insane
Like I need to be defensive
Like I can’t control my brain

You ruined me.
You warmed my heart
You ruined me.
Broke my walls apart
You ruined me.
Made me feel again
You ruined me.
So how do I explain?
That I don’t want to be in love.

You ruined me.

Journal Ramblings: Sophomore Year of College

So I just pulled out what I thought was my high school journal, however it was actually my journal from sophomore year of college. And it is DEPRESSING. I loved a boy way too much and thought I was never going to get over it. I was not happy with myself. It was hard to read actually. But a good reminder of what hard work and time can accomplish. Hooray! So here I am now, wading through the depressing stuff and pulling out some of my best nuggets of wisdom from 06/07. Enjoy.

 

This summer has sucked, but I still like laser tagging.

Remember Josh Johnson. Room 210. Cool guy. (He bought me a sandwich when I worked at Candlewood)

Sean Madden-you better not have a kid, stupid face.

I can see Archana getting drunk all the time next year. (THIS HAPPENED)

I got tickets to Warped in Chicago, Indy, and Jack’s in Indy. Heck yes!

I went to the gynecologist today and found out that I have an elusive cervix.

…on the plus side, going to Warped in Chicago some guy said I had pretty eyes (The Nappannee party guy Archana! I forgot about him.) and on the way home from Indy I got a number from Sexy Ian after hanging my head out of Angie’s car and losing my sunglasses. Maybe that’s why I like meeting random people. There are no expectations with them.

I will read this later and be like “Fuck, I shouldn’t be so tied up in him”

We watched the Colts win today and Tampa Bay get shut out. Waha. Losers.

P.S. Radio might be kickass. (I wrote this 2 weeks into my first radio class…)

Sometimes I wish we wouldn’t have walked out of that game and into that bowling alley.

I want a home.

Then I got in a pit of guys for Baby Blue. Aha. A shining moment in my concert history. (I forgot about this show that ended up being all acoustic since the drummer had a family emergency).

And I never even found that damn Jamba Juice, AGAIN, but what a good time! (Not finding Jamba Juices after hours of looking is sort of my specialty).

Since when is work talking online and reading articles? Punkass trick. (???)

Dear Jenna, save money so you can travel…and stop being so fat. (Thank the heavens above I stopped being such an asshole to myself over the past 7 years. Some of these, actually most of these writings are horrifying).

Tis ’07 and John is being a douche so I am ignoring him.

I really just gotta let everything go and live for me.

 

Let’s Talk About: COMPACT DISCS

So, let’s talk about COMPACT DISCS! I am a Sentimental Sally so of course I have albums that I love strictly because of the fact that they were representative of some area of my life. Let me just start this blog off by saying thanks to ANDY SCHNEPP for sticking things in my box…my dropbox. I annoy him for CDs all of the time. And he even throws in tidbits of wisdom such as , “go to the kitchen and find something to make a sandwich with so you don’t get rusty” and “thats fine, rely on your looks to get you through life. works for me!”